Gone But Not Forgotten: the Top Six Old TV Shows

Ren & Stimpy

 Though some have tried, no one can convince me that this was not both the best and most inappropriate children's cartoon ever aired. Yeah, the newer version is terrible, but in its prime, Ren & Stimpy was fantastic. As a huge proponent of toilet jokes, I feel no qualms about ranking this number one on this list. Also, one of the main characters was a Chihuahua. Chihuahuas are one of the most popular dog breeds in America -- I've even got two myself. I rest my case.

 Hawaii Five-O

My family owns every available season of this show on DVD. This is sort of sad in terms of consumerism, but the emptiness of buying into society's imposed luxuries is rendered unimportant when one considers the fact that I can now, at my leisure, experience Steve McGarrett's leathery skin and resonating "Book 'em, Danno"s in high definition. And how many people can boast about that? Not many, my friends. Not many.

Gerhard Reinke's Wanderlust

I might be the only person who remembers this one, but that doesn't make it any less great. In fact, it might make it more great. It feeds my superiority complex. Why yes, I am aware of that mock travel show which aired on Comedy Central during 2003, for all of six episodes. Oh, you didn't know about it? That figures.
My brother caused a serious rift in our relationship when he haphazardly deleted the episodes of Wanderlust I had Tivoed, and then proceeded to play it off as though it was a mistake. Yeah, right, David. I haven't spoken to him since.

I Love Lucy

You knew this was coming. Nobody dislikes this show -- it's called I Love Lucy for a reason.

What's My Line?

What's My Line? isn't inherently great. What makes it so entertaining is the way the permanent members of the panel (Arlene Francis, Bennett Cerf, John Charles Daly, and Dorothy Kilgallen) relate to one another. There's a festering hatred beneath the guise of witty repartee. For some, it's easy to control. Actually, it's easy for everyone except Dorothy Kilgallen, the only panelist who seems as though she despises her co-workers. This show is exponentially more funny if you're aware of Kilgallen's sordid past and rampant alcoholism; the glares she shoots to Bennett Cerf, who is nothing short of completely adorable, make more sense once one fully understands the fact that Kilgallen was a raging bitch.

The Twilight Zone

The Twilight Zone is one of the few old shows that can still be found on television somewhat reliably. Almost every episode of The Twilight Zone is interesting and perfectly written. Time has compiled a list of the top ten episodes, and I've graciously provided you with the one above. And here's my personal favorite. Yeah, maybe it makes me cry a little. It's whatever.